Crawling out from under the rock

I hope finally for good. Ladies, this has been a very trying time for me, alot of changes going on in and around me and I have felt a bit out of sync and a bit overwhelmed. Days filled with sadness and gloom.

I decided to share this with you because I need to be accountable for this feeling that I have been denying for way to long. Over the course of the last two months I have come to realize that I do suffer from depression and these feelings of inadequacy as a mother, wife have to stop, among other areas.

I get so "down" on myself and regardless of all the sweet gestures made toward me, I don't feel them. I hope some of you can relate to this, and can offer some words or guidance to me. My poor sweet hubby has tried to express this to me, but I would “cut” him off because I didn’t  want to believe I suffered from this. Not another flaw, not another character defect. Is is situational or permanent?  How can you tell?  How do you know?

Between family, work decisions, becoming a empty nester, my life as I have known it has changed majorly over the course of a few months. All the things that made me who I was, is no more.  I was always a mother, but now with all my kids on their own, and living there own lives, I don’t have that “label” anymore per se. I’m not needed like I was before. As well as a  employee, since I now am at home again full time (at least for now).  I don’t have that label either.  I feel I have to reinvent myself and I really don’t know how…where to start? 

I know the first place to look is in God’s word to see what he says on the matter of depression, so I have picked a few verses that spoke to me.

(Using  Bible gateway to research my verses)

Broken Heart- (NASB) Psalms 34:18, Proverbs 17:22

¹⁸The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
         And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

²²A joyful heart is good medicine,
         But a broken spirit dries up the bones.

Can result from failure to confess- Psalms 32:3-4

³When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
         Through my groaning all day long.
⁴For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
         My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah.

After spending time reading all the different scriptures dealing with depression that I could find, I didn’t stop there, I went in search for more biblical teachings from women who have been there.

As I was thinking about all I have been struggling with, I was reminded again of David and his struggles.  Instead of relaying it all again, Courtney at Women Living Well stated it wonderfully. (Psalms 69)  Back in February she started a series of post about depression and if you struggle or have been struggling, I hope you will take a look at them. 

I thank you all for being patient with me and for not given up on me and my blog….but I find myself at a crossroad in life, with alot of new adventures just over the horizon, and I don’t want to miss them, so the time has come for me to take action….so that I can live in the Joy promised by my Father.

God turns mourning into Joy – Jeremiah 31:13

¹³ Then maidens will dance and be glad,
       young men and old as well.
       I will turn their mourning into gladness;
       I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

Love,

Beautiful Monday

today.  Wow, the sun is shining and it’s so pretty outside, I really shouldn’t be cooped up in this house today, but the house is quiet and  all my chores are done, and thought I would take this opportunity to get caught up on my blog and blogging.  I can’t  believe I haven’t posted since the beginning of the year….but it has taken me awhile to get settled in after the holidays and such.

As most of you know Michael and I spent the holidays on a cruise, and I promise to share some pictures with you…maybe I will get that done tomorrow…but since getting home, I have had to put all my decorations away.  That is one heck of a job.  Not sure why it takes me so much longer now than it use too, but it was a three day process and then the weekend came and we had to declutter and organize our garage to get the crates back on the shelves.  So glad that is done, and the garage is looking much better now.  You can ALMOST get a car in there again.  Hopefully soon we will be able too. 

Also since getting home we have had some deaths to deal with.  Last week we had three special people to us pass away.  Needless to say it has been a tough week.  Certainly hope we don’t have to go through that again anytime soon.  It is so hard to say goodbye to those we love but even harder for those left behind.  My prayers are with these women because they all lost their husbands.

I have also been trying to put myself on some kind of a schedule and working towards getting myself better organized.  Seems this is always a January chore for me.  Last year I diligently put together my Homemakers Journal,so that I could stay on top of all the things that I want to do. 

Below photo is of me sorting through folders, magazine, calendars, charts, etc.

Getting pages ready to put into my binders

Saving pictures for my ideas folder

Deciding which magazines to keep and grab ideas from

My little binder that can easily be dropped in my handbag to jot down ideas

Now the finished product….

All this to tell you after all that work, guess what?  It is in storage in a box far away from me and I can’t even use it.  UGH!  But I am sure once I can get my little hands on it in the future, I will be so ecstatic. 

I have also been trying to get myself back on track with studying the WORD!

So as you can see I have been busy since getting back home.  I am hoping to get better at my blogging.  I always feel so overwhelmed at the start of a new year.  I always have great plans to do better, but always get sidetracked.  I hope you will hang in there with me, as I have lots of things that I want to do now that I am no longer working.  I’m so excited and feel blessed to have this time to do all those things that I have wanted to do.

Hope you have a blessed day!

Hugs,
Cindy

Different Day, Same stuff

Since I hadn't posted since Saturday morning thought it best to do a little update. We did go out on Saturday to look for my wedding dress and I am happy to report I found one. Yeppers I did. I had done some searches prior to going out and found one that was exactly what I was looking for online so wrote down the design number and when I went to our local bridal salon, they actually carried the designer and had that dress. I was shocked. I tried it on and knew that it was the one. My girlfriend went with me and she told me is was the 'one' too. I did try on some others but they were a little much, too formal. If it had of been my first wedding that would have been one thing but with this being the second, I was going for a total different look. The first dress was simply gorgeous with a long train but it looked so youthful and not me at all. Anyhow, I decided on the dress(the one I saw on the internet) that I wanted and paid for it. Much to my surprise, it was marked down 1/2 price. Wow! I was thrilled. So not only did I get the dress I saw and wanted, the local salon had it and it was 1/2 off. Can't beat that.I have to go in for my fitting on March 13th. WooHoo! So now I have to look for shoes and something for my hair. Thinking about wearing my hair half up and half down. But we will see. I am thinking that a pretty comb or decorative hair pins might be the way to go. Although I would love a simple little tiara. As for shoes, I want some simple but classic and comfortable. Since the wedding is in April, I don't think I will do open toed unless I just find some that I love.

In saying all that about the shoes, I might have to wait for a bit before I actually get some due to the fact while I was at the salon I stumped my toe, I heard it pop, and it is every color of the rainbow. I am not sure if it is broken or fractured but either way it is painful and sore. So now I am running around with tennis shoes on and my toes taped together. Call me grace. :)

I am in the process of making tons of list for our upcoming trip to Houston and Kentucky. I have so much to accomplish in a few short days so don't want to forget anything. Upon getting back home, I will be getting Tori's dress and shoes. She has seen some that she likes so will go and check them out. Not sure exactly what I want though, so this gives me a little time to think about it.

Enough wedding talk for now, on to something else. My sister is going in this morning to have sinus surgery. My folks are going down to Nashville to be with her, it will be done outpatient but they want to be there none the less. My sister has always had problems breathing so they are going to be doing a new procedure to help her breathe better and improve her quality of life. They said if this procedure didn't work they were going to do something different. Please remember her in prayer for a speedy recovery.

Today the weather here is raining and the temps are only suppose to be around 40. I am eagerly awaiting spring. Seems lately I haven't been to motivated to do anything, and I am eager to get some things accomplished. If you could only see my garage, but the weather has been so cold, Michael can't get in there. For a while he worked in there with a heater on, but that doesn't seem to help when the temps are down in single digits or teens. So hoping next weekend will be a pretty weekend so maybe he can get some things done out there. I haven't had my car in the garage since last fall. ;(

Hope you all have a great Tuesday and blessed week.

Hug and God Bless!